Guess What?

Despite everything that has happened this year, December 21 is still a very, very special day. We have been through two evictions and lock-outs, six lovers, two abortions (err?) and many career changes for his year alone. I am hoping for better days, nights were we can sleep in peace, where smiles don’t need to be expensive and friends don’t need to be closely guarded. We often ask ourselves how many more cities will we live in, how many more beds or the lack of it will we explore and behind each understanding gaze - we ask ourselves the basic question we often deny our hearts: how many more flesh/souls will we embrace, only to leave us behind.

 
It’s really not so great right now, eh? Nearly shirtless, definitely homeless and exceptionally dreamless for someone who used to inspire dreams. I apologize for all the days I needed to leave you behind, in a friend’s house (but you got a free bath there!), a net cafe (more often than not) or just a freaky cubby-hole for the night. We faced our fears, from birds to freaky elevators falling, from dusty buildings to dark crevices, - we got by, didn’t we? I am as scared as you are, never been as scared before…

Well our year is ending without any notice of accomplishment or shame, I guess karmically (play with words: karmic - ally, us?) that’s alright - the lesser we make movements, the lesser we stir things. I just hope we are right this time, whatever we are into we have managed to see the next day anyhow - just forgive me when I have become numb and often times very silent. Forgive me also for not being able to make your wish-list nor being able to set the yearly birthday party we used to have, I was just caught off-guard - just moving too fast, trying to gain ground from the years I have lost.

No more, I guess part of me has sort of given up or just realized that the two years that I have been trying to run after dreams they just simply vanished before my eyes. It was better when we just kept on dreaming, kept on surviving a fantasy adventure that we put ourselves into - it wasn’t about survival then, but it was all about following our hearts. Just give me three days of sleep, a little time to breathe and be able to walk again - then let FLY!

Well to you my most adorable companion of many years, the best of birthdays even if its just a thought form floating around right now.

Happy Birthday Mr. Beawr! 

And to all the Stranger’s friends, wishing everyone (if you celebrate Christmas at least) the merriest Christmas, wherever and however it finds you this year. Wishing you also the best New Year you will ever have - dreaming that it just keeps getting better every year after that, too!

Until the next post…

Nighty - night! 

“It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end.
- Ursula K. Le Guin